Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
