glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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