I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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