I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize