oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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