i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize