Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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