i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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