So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
