He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
