dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
