the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
