she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i out mim tonsoeep
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