Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Umm I'm too high to move.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
Thereās nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Yearās Day. Iām ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
