Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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