my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize