Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
