I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
