Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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