apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize