I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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