Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize