we made out on top of his cat.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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