i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
