the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
