I wish I could teleport
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
