I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
