I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
