I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
