Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
