I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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