you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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