We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
