Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
