i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
