I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize