Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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