New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize