Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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