I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
