When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
