You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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