i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
