Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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