there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
