If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
