yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
