Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
