Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just found puke in my bra..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
