I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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