I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
