I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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