but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
