4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
