you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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