There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
