u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
