Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
