I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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