I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
