I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
