I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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