Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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