I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
