Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize