i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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