he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize