I want to walk on stilts...naked
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
