I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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