i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
