The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
