By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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